Selective Watering


Darling, I promise to water only the seeds of happiness, compassion, and joy in you. And I will refrain from watering the seeds of jealousy, anger, and irritation in you. I know that if I water these seeds, you will suffer and I will have to suffer also. So I promise that from now on, I will only water the beautiful seeds in you, and I will refrain from watering the negative seeds. Please help me also. You know I have the seeds of anger, jealousy, despair, and craving in me. Please don’t water these seeds, but instead water the seeds of compassion, understanding, and hope in me. I will be grateful and happy. Let us make the commitment to support each other with the practice of selective watering.


In Order That We May Live Long and Happily Together, In Order That We May Continually Develop and Deepen Our Love and Understanding, We the Undersigned Make the Commitment to Observe and Practice the Following:

I, the one who is angry, agree to:

  1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
  2. Not suppress my anger.
  3. Practice breathing and taking refuge in the island of myself.
  4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell the one who has made me angry about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
  5. Ask for an appointment for later in the week (e.g., Friday evening) to discuss this matter more thoroughly, either verbally or by Peace Note.
  6. Acknowledge the suffering. Don’t say: “I am not angry. It’s okay. I am not suffering.”
  7. Practice breathing and looking deeply into my daily life – while sitting, lying down, standing, and walking – in order to see:

    • the ways I myself have been unskillful at times.
    • how I have hurt the other person because of my own habit energy.
    • how the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
    • how the other person’s suffering, which waters the seed of my anger, is the secondary cause.
    • how the other person is only seeking relief from his or her own suffering.
    • that as long as the other person suffers, I cannot be truly happy.
  8. Apologize immediately, without waiting until the scheduled appointment, as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
  9. Postpone the scheduled appointment if I do not feel calm enough to meet with the other person.

I, the one who has made the other angry, agree to:

  1. Respect the other person’s feelings, not ridicule him or her, and allow enough time for him or her to calm down.
  2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
  3. Confirm the other person’s request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure him or her that I will be there.
  4. Practice breathing and taking refuge in the island of myself to see how:

    • I have seeds of unkindness and anger as well as the habit energy to make the other person unhappy.
    • I have mistakenly thought that making the other person suffer would relieve my own suffering.
    • by making him or her suffer, I make myself suffer.
  5. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting until the scheduled appointment.

We vow with the Earth as witness and the supportive presence of our community, to abide by these guidelines and to practice wholeheartedly.


The 14th Day of April in the Year 2015 at (location): Latitude: 13.820378Longitude: 100.583262

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